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Lama Yeshe tests Jan Willis

Geshe Rabten and Lama Yeshe, 1970From 1970: The First Group Ordination by Adele Hulse, Big Love author:

Jan Willis had a calculating, trained, academic mind. Other people were clearly besotted with Lama Yeshe, but she wondered if there might not be other lamas who were even better. One day Lama Yeshe told Jan to take the next level of her teachings (calm abiding, or shine practice) with Geshe Rabten in Dharamsala. “He is a very wise teacher; he is wisdom incarnate,” Lama told Jan. “You shouldn’t have any trouble because you can speak Hindi and travel easily. You go straight there, now.”

But Jan did not go straight there; she dallied awhile in Varanasi. When she finally arrived in Dharamsala, Geshe Rabten turned his big powerful face toward her, pointed his finger, and began to yell. “He was like a mountain on fire,” said Jan. She understood enough of what he said to realize that he was accusing her of not doing exactly what Lama Yeshe had ordered—that is, coming directly to Dharamsala. “He didn’t want to know my name or hear my story. He just wanted me to know I was there to study, had arrived late, and this was serious. I fell totally in love with him.”

Six weeks later, walking up Kopan hill at dusk, Jan Willis looked up to see Thubten Yeshe looking down at her, a disgusted expression on his face. Having made eye contact he turned and went into his room. “I felt bad as I entered,” she said. “I was about to make the usual respectful three prostrations when Lama turned and threw another dreadful tirade in Tibetan at me. Suddenly it struck me that there was absolutely no difference between these lamas, that they had exactly the same things to teach, and that Lama had sent me on this long trip just to find this out, to prove to me that with my critical judgmental mind maybe I was not so smart after all. My arrogance just crumbled. I fell forward on all fours, crying and begging him to please accept me as his disciple and to forgive me for measuring him against Geshe Rabten. That moment sealed my relationship with Lama Yeshe. I saw that his wisdom was as vast as his compassion.”

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